Author: Ed Jefferson

My name is Ed, and of the four Nicolas Cage films I’ve watched this year, none has either a) won me the lottery or b) been any good at all. This exercise was significantly less dispiriting when I knew there were at least half-decent films left to watch. Still, they do say life is full…

My name is Ed, and I am still trying to watch every Nicolas Cage film, then play the lottery using numbers picked from that film. This was a considerably less painful exercise back when there seemed more chance that there might be any good ones left, so I’d better bloody win soon. Army Of One…

My name is Ed and I have cursed myself to watch the films of Nicolas Cage until either he dies, I die, or I win the lottery by choosing numbers based on the films. Director Paul Schrader has worked with Cage twice before: he wrote Bringing Out The Dead (along with more famous Scorsese films…

Playing the lottery is, generally speaking, an extremely bad way to make money — the statistically expected return is less than £1, for a £2 ticket. But the lottery works as a money-maker for the organisers because even though I rationally understand that, when I started purchasing tickets some particularly deluded part of my brain…

In May 2013 Edward Joseph Snowden walked out of a National Security Agency facility in Hawaii with thousands of classified documents, and, after fleeing the country, released them to the public. A heroic act, or a traitorous one, depending on your point of view. In January 2016 Edward Hart Jefferson decided to win the lottery…

My name is Ed, and I am going to win the lottery by picking numbers based on every film Nicolas Cage has ever made, for some reason. This week I watched Inconceivable, which is about Nicolas Cage and Gina Gershon being unable to make a baby due to problems! They decided to pay Nicky Whelan…

My name is Ed, and since January I have been watching every film Nicolas Cage has ever made. Also two TV shows and a piece of avant-garde musical theatre that he was in. I have been doing this in order to win the UK National Lottery, because I believe that Nic Cage’s ‘nouveau shamanic’ acting…

My name is Ed, and soon I will be able to tell you about any film that Nicolas Cage has ever been in. But I won’t talk to you, because you’re probably a schlub and I will soon be a millionaire, for after I watch a Nicolas Cage movie, I play the lottery. There is…

My name is Ed and when I have seen all the Nicolas Cage films I expect I will be invited to become a professor of cinema at a prestigious university. But I will turn down this invitation, because I will be a rich millionaire thanks to having used one of those films to win the…

My name is Ed and I must win the lottery so that I can buy a ticket for Elon Musk’s rocket ship to Mars and escape the crumbling hellhole that used be called the Earth. Because the odds of winning the lottery are quite low, I have decided to increase my chances by picking the…