Category: Film

Playing the lottery is, generally speaking, an extremely bad way to make money — the statistically expected return is less than £1, for a £2 ticket. But the lottery works as a money-maker for the organisers because even though I rationally understand that, when I started purchasing tickets some particularly deluded part of my brain…

In May 2013 Edward Joseph Snowden walked out of a National Security Agency facility in Hawaii with thousands of classified documents, and, after fleeing the country, released them to the public. A heroic act, or a traitorous one, depending on your point of view. In January 2016 Edward Hart Jefferson decided to win the lottery…

My name is Ed, and I am going to win the lottery by picking numbers based on every film Nicolas Cage has ever made, for some reason. This week I watched Inconceivable, which is about Nicolas Cage and Gina Gershon being unable to make a baby due to problems! They decided to pay Nicky Whelan…

My name is Ed, and since January I have been watching every film Nicolas Cage has ever made. Also two TV shows and a piece of avant-garde musical theatre that he was in. I have been doing this in order to win the UK National Lottery, because I believe that Nic Cage’s ‘nouveau shamanic’ acting…

My name is Ed, and soon I will be able to tell you about any film that Nicolas Cage has ever been in. But I won’t talk to you, because you’re probably a schlub and I will soon be a millionaire, for after I watch a Nicolas Cage movie, I play the lottery. There is…

My name is Ed and when I have seen all the Nicolas Cage films I expect I will be invited to become a professor of cinema at a prestigious university. But I will turn down this invitation, because I will be a rich millionaire thanks to having used one of those films to win the…

My name is Ed and I must win the lottery so that I can buy a ticket for Elon Musk’s rocket ship to Mars and escape the crumbling hellhole that used be called the Earth. Because the odds of winning the lottery are quite low, I have decided to increase my chances by picking the…

My name is Ed and I will soon have seen every film Nicolas Cage has ever made. I will also be a millionaire, because every time I watch one of the films, I pick 6 numbers and use them to enter the UK National Lottery. There is no way that this plan cannot succeed. Christianity,…

My name is Ed and I need to win the lottery because the sum total of my worldly wealth is £9.98 in change plus some foreign coins and a coin shaped token from commemorating some event I attended in 2012. Have you seen the price of the own brand Tesco lager these days? This no…

My name is Ed and in a few short weeks I will have seen every Nicolas Cage movie, until they release another one. And presumably by then I will have won the UK National Lottery, because after I watch each film I purchase a ticket using numbers based on that film. The shamanic acting force…