#1 on the Amazon Kindle Top 100 Free book chart, as of 21 Jan 2013.
We’ve all got a man drawer haven’t we, men? Ha ha, yeah. And have you ever noticed Rawl plugs? Ha ha, yeah.
Wait For Me by Elisabeth Naughton is a romantic suspense, which appears to be a novel about a kind of mystery that stops people fucking, until it doesn’t any more and they fuck.
What Kate’s husband Jake keeps in his man drawer is evidence that his wife isn’t actually his wife but the wife of his former boss who stopped funding for his research into a cancer drug that would have cured his real but dead wife’s cancer and also coincidentally has the side-effect of erasing memories so he gave it to Kate after kidnapping her just as she was about to get onto a flight that crashed so everyone assumes she’s dead and he’s convinced her that she’s his wife now. That’s what he keeps in his man drawer. What’s the deal with fuses?
But then Jake dies in a plane crash and Kate discovers that she’s really married to a playboy billionaire celebrity pharmaceutical entrepreneur which is apparently a thing that exists. He bangs a lot of models because of grief. There is then tension but it is sexy tension which causes “heavy tingling sensations” to shoot “straight to his groin” and various things to flow through her veins to “her sex” (sic).
After some stuff happens they nearly have sex but then her parents come home and they don’t and then more stuff happens and then they nearly have sex again but then her parents come home again and they don’t and then even more stuff happens and they finally do it. Also if you are worried that there might be some sexual health issues in this book don’t be because:
“I’ve been through every test under the sun and I can say for certain, that’s one part of my body that’s completely healthy.”
The sentences in this book are not that terrible if you ignore the actual content but all the characters talk like this a lot:
“Jackass is spelled with two s’s, not one. I would have thought they’d teach you that in donkey school. Good day, Mr. Mathews.”
I don’t know any 9 year old girls but presumably this is a hauntingly accurate rendering of how they talk?
“Lots of girls my age are already getting their periods. […] It’s right around the corner. You’re going to have to deal with it, Dad. And while I’m thinking of it, I need a bra. We should probably go shopping for one sometime soon. Maybe today. […] I was thinking of getting one of those red lacy ones like the girls wear in your Maxim magazines.”
Meanwhile back in the plot it turns out pharmaceutical playboy guy’s secretary is Kate’s fake husband’s real dead wife’s sister and she tries to kill everyone! But she fails to kill anyone! Except possibly she killed the fake husband who didn’t die in a plane crash after all? I started to lose track.
The story doesn’t end here as we need a few more hilarious jokes like:
“He couldn’t even remember what this damn charity event was for. The homeless? Public schools? Models in need of plastic surgery? He didn’t care.”
Yeah, take that, stupid charities! So Kate runs away because she is all confused but it is okay because she sees a family being nice to each other and remembers the value of family (I’m not joking, this is an accurate summary of the penultimate chapter) so runs back to live happily ever after with a husband that she can’t remember anything about, but who is rich and sexy so that is okay then.
I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys reading books that you don’t have to pay for.
My favourite line was:
“I swear, words cause more trouble than they’re worth sometimes.”
I give this book 5 out of 5 Allen keys.