#53: National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (2007)

My name is Ed and I am trying to win the lottery by watching Nicolas Cage films. Maybe watching all of Nicolas Cage’s films in order is the secret to transcending spacetime and leaving behind the human meatform to become one with the Godhead, but if not I would be happy with a few million quid.

National Treasure: Book Of Secrets is a first, in that it’s a second — amazingly, more than 25 years into his career, Nic Cage hadn’t made a sequel. But National Treasure had been his first smash hit in a while, and presumably years of buying castles, crocodiles, etc, had been taking their toll on the old bank balance.

Book Of Secrets follows the formula of the first film pretty closely — albeit Ed Harris has subbed in for Sean Bean as chief bad guy treasure hunter, and instead of lost templar treasure they’re after the secret truth behind the Lincoln assassination. But broadly it’s the same deal: our heroes following a trail of increasingly ludicrous clues, do heists, solve codes, uncover mysteries and generally get into a lot of bother.

The stakes are raised a bit as this time the trail takes Ben Gates and pals overseas: it’s National Treasure’s European Vacation! After a brief stopover in France to check out a secret code carved on the Parisian replica of the Statue of Liberty, they head to London to break into Buckingham Palace in order to locate a clue hidden in the Queen’s desk. Yes, really.

This, I believe, Cage’s first time on film in my town — there might be a bit on ‘the Thames’ in rowing-based garbage The Boy In Blue but I’m not counting that because those scenes are blatantly shot in Canada. Londoners may be mildly amused at the geography of a car chase which involves driving south over Westminster Bridge to reach Whitehall. Or not, it’s your life.

The crowning achievement of the London is sequence involves Nicolas Cage pretending to be inebriated in Buckingham Palace and affecting an amazingly poor British accent before sliding down some banisters screaming “I’VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS”. This in itself an immensely powerful image, but the fact that it is entirely justified by the plot makes it a masterpiece of filmmaking.

As well as the main trio of adventurers (Gates/Cage, the nerd one, and the love interest one), Harvey Keitel’s back as a somewhat inexplicable freemason/FBI agent and Jon Voight’s back as Gates’ dad: but to liven things up this time we also meet Gates’ mum, who is, obviously, played by Helen bloody Mirren.

Although in some ways this is very much a retreading of old ground there’s just enough new bits and pieces thrown into the mix to indicate that the writers actually understand how to make this stuff work and aren’t just slavishly copying their first fluke. And if these films couldn’t be any more charmingly ridiculous, both are credited to a husband and wife screenwriting team called, I shit you not, The Wibberleys.

THE NUMBERS

2 — Part of the plot revolves around clues hidden inside the “Resolute twins”, a pair of identical desks made out of the timbers of a ship called the Resolute. One of these, in the Oval Office, exists in real life and is indeed used by most Presidents. The other, in Buckingham Palace, doesn’t really exist, although there are other desks made from parts of the same ship knocking about the place.

3 — As referenced in the film, the sculptor of the Statue of Liberty, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi, did indeed create 2 other versions of the statue. They’re both in Paris, if you want to go and look at smaller versions of the Statue of Liberty for some reason. We’re laughing and learning!

5 — The film starts in 1865, specifically 5 days after the end of the American Civil War (although the date given is actually when General Lee surrendered, elsewhere people kept shooting at each other for another couple of months, probably for the banter).

18 — The John Wilkes Booth (him what killed Lincoln with a gun) diary is said to be missing 18 pages. In real life, this has been demonstrated to be an underestimate: the FBI forensic lab reckons it’s actually missing 86 pages. (I imagine it’s just like: April 12th — didn’t shoot him yet. April 13th — still didn’t shoot him, April 14th — OMG LADS BIG NEWS).

25 —At one point Gate’s dad distracts some secret service guys by pretending to be fishing. When questioned about this he tells the secret service guys that according to Article 1, Section 25 of local law he’s allowed to be there. They respond that they’re allowed to detain him for 48 hours for no reason. America!

47 — The President of the United States tells Gates to have a look at Page 47 of the titular Book of Secrets. Gates reports back that what he saw there was ‘life-altering’. This is presumably set-up for the 3rd National Treasure film, which has never materialised because Hollywood is dumb. Why not write down what you think was on Page 47 and pop it in the bin?

THE RESULT

What the HELL? They are called the National TREASURE films. How can I not have won any treasure? This makes no sense. I think the freemasons are fixing the lottery.

NEXT TIME ON NICOLAS CAGE:

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